Best Metal Videos of All Time
Honourable mention 1: Killed by Death—Motørhead
Because it’s Saturday night and I wanna have some fun, I’ve decided to unleash this upon you. The Top Ten Best Metal Videos of All Time1, as determined by me, myself and I. Please do not take this too seriously and if you disagree, vent your steam in the comments, or on Notes.
Rules2:
An actual video made to promote the band. So: no live videos;
To be in the Top Ten, at least one aspect must be turned up to eleven;
One video per band only;
Bonus point if it tells a story;
Bonus point if it introduces important social or cultural matters;
Bonus point for production values;
For your amusement, I’ll even add a score and a rationale for that score, so you can disagree even more. Plus commentary in the style of The Guardian’s ‘Pass notes’.
Having said that, I’ll be starting this series with eight ‘Honourable Mentions’ that—for various reasons—didn’t quite make it in the Top Ten. So here’s the first one.
Honourable mention: Killed by Death—Motørhead Total score = 9
Scoring rationale: 8 points for the song and a bonus point for telling a story3.
Why is it not in the Top Ten? It’s not Motørhead’s best song—far from it. That’s everything on “No Sleep ‘Till Hammersmith” plus the song “Stone Dead Forever”.
But it’s Lemmy riding a motorbike with a hot chick! Through walls, from out of the grave4! Indeed. It’s a nice video to watch after you’ve head ten beers. For the Top Ten we want videos that make you want to drink ten beers. At least5.
Alright. But if he’s not good enough to be in the Top Ten, then why is he good enough to rate a Honourable Mention? Because Lemmy is a hero.
A hero? How? During a Christmas Metal Meeting in the middle of Germany, Motørhead played so goddamn loud that the audience seemed silent. Comment from Lemmy: “You’ve become quiet since 1945!”
Don’t say: “Lemmy is Jesus6”.
Do Say: “Better a Motørhead than a waterhead7”.
🤘
Up to now, obviously, but we can’t have weak disclaimers dilute this metal headline;
My rules, so they can’t be arbitrary…;-)
With tongue firmly in cheek;
Meatloaf—Bat Out of Hell—wants its cliché back…;-)
If you don’t know which number comes after 10, then you’ve never seen “This Is Spinal Tap”;
Unless you want Jesus to be a Nazi memorablia collector;
Hydrocephalus. It’s funnier in Dutch;